Over Pressure

I've decided to break up with Pressure.

He's messing with my head

keeping me from You

and sucking all abundance from this life.

Addition and subtraction of You vs. him

and I've been letting him win the equations.

But we have a history

he's clinging on like a stalker in the bushes

a voice in my ears

a vice grip on my head.

But I'm trading Him in for Privilege,

the honor of trusting You

with the Christmas train whistle bearing down

high pitched and squealing like a tea kettle,

the calendar moving and clicking by too fast

like a broken, flapping film strip,

and everyone's looking for me to fix it.

To give them the big ending to the movie they demand.

And they all want something different.

He's clingy, suffocating and persistent,

bearing down on the palette until it's all blended to goopy brown

never letting up until I'm all dried up.

But Your kind of pressure is liberating

breath-taking, and brings the brightest colors to my brush

leading me to higher ground, untouched.

So I'm trading Pressure in for Privilege today.

seam-ripping through this elastic prison

out in the open with You

because no matter what Pressure says

You got this.

"Fierce troubles came down on the people of those churches, pushing them to the very limit. The trial exposed their true colors: They were incredibly happy, though desperately poor. The pressure triggered something totally unexpected: an outpouring of pure and generous gifts. poor Christians." 2 Corinthians 8:2-3

"Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.” Robert Frost

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:1-3

“Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary. When you start thinking of pressure, it's because you've started to think of failure.” Tommy Lasorda

"The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.
Then I let it all out;
I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."
Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.
These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we'll be on high ground, untouched."

Psalm 32:4-6

Curtains

Innovate 09 from Granger Community on Vimeo.

I take my curtains for granted.
They hang beautifully, faithfully, day after day
brushing by them countless times in a week
Keeping us warm, cool, and comfortable
The spot where Lauren's hands grab to peek out
has grown higher and higher with every season
every precious visitor who visits is greeted
and farewelled by a friendly wave between the curtains
like a gleeful puppet show just for them
But there are days, months, years even,
when we go to work, come home, eat, sleep, play, live
and never take time to think about our curtains.
Imagine our shock to come home one day to find them stolen.
Blinding sunlight in the day and feeling exposed at night.
We take our curtains for granted.
Like our own ability to see
our silent breath in and out
our heartbeats...
And all too often, Your great commission.
For centuries, the Church has faced snakey temptation,
the pull for pageantry or the desire for political gain,
and in the middle of our planning services, events, elements,
in our busyness of preparation behind the stage curtains,
We forget about the curtain You tore in half
and our calling to share it with the world.
Somehow brushing past You to sit together on Sunday mornings
looking to stay warm, cool, and comfortable.
A bunch of prodigal big brothers, smug that we stayed at home
refusing to come to the party for someone so stupid.
Well-dressed cliques who shake hands, wave hello and goodbye
never getting past our own draping-curtained superficial smiles.
There will come a day when the curtains will fall from our eyes
like scales from the blind man You touched
the day when You come back to claim those
who stepped over those torn curtain pieces
into the temple of following You.
Confession time,
exposed.
That day scares me.
I know there will be celebration, healing, victory, redemption.
But I can't help but ache for all those left behind
the students I never got to share You with,
the friendly neighbors I never took time to get to know,
the hungry children in Monroe circle,
the thousands in India who didn't make it to the church plants.
the shoppers in Target right across the street,
who drive by the building like a curtain in a living room.
That day will be agony for them.
They are the reasons we get up in the morning
work late, have long meetings, hold conferences,spend days, weeks, months, years,
finding new innovative ways to capture their attention.
Shake us to move from hamsters on wheels
to your kids chasing Your dreams
of what could be and should be.
And help me to cling to that heavy ache in my chest
that nagging thought in my mind
that incessant pull like a veil torn
all the way to the final curtain.


"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

“Become the change you seek in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1


"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" David Livingstone

Presents of Presence

nine years of teaching in the public schools
a calling to sprint underwater
conduct an orchestra in handcuffs
or tie my shoes with my teeth
and, oddly enough, I loved it.
Even more astonishing, I was beginning to miss it
those metamorphosis moments

springboarding from my simple love for them
those wide eyes that finally get that they matter to someone
those beaming grins after the blank paper is filled
Then I snap out of the little misty daydreams
and find myself sitting in a puddle of guilt
painting pictures of Egypt after arriving in the Promised Land
So once again You came along
with another gift I didn't know I needed.
1 class, 18 students, and a breathless freedom to speak of You
Nine years of censoring myself

square peg round hole to to fit into the fragmented box of law
dancing with euphemisms like a monkey in a hat
An alternate universe
Where the power of the Holy Spirit was just their "conscience"
when Mt. Sinai's stone tablets
were buried more like tombstones as "morals to the story"
Christ figure characters imprisoned by "Protagonist" boxes
Epic parable allusions boiled down to "literary devices"
and the greatest story and theme of all time
was left unsaid, untaught, and raging inside me.
And those after-class conversations when I slipped,
couldn't help msyelf, broke the rules and mentioned You
only led to a trip to the Principal's office
and a peach-colored warning sheet I had to sign.
Me, the straight A good girl, somehow the new rebel in school.
Nine years of teaching in a straight jacket.
Until now
This one class at a Christian College,
when the duct tape comes off the mouth
the straight jacket untied, unbelted, removed
You're no longer the elephant in the room
but the subject of the study
intermingled and touching everything
like fall campus winds or long stringy spaghetti
when I can hold the Bible like a pop-up book stage
where Your storytelling brilliance finally comes alive
when the true theatre of Your word
meets the fantasy of the stage
in a mind-blowing dance of artful ministry
and I can't help but look up to thank You
for the freedom to speak my mind
a new playground to speak Your heart
for the presents of Your presence
acknowledged, unfettered, and arms out
like dancing in the sun.

"All to often we are giving children cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants."---John W. Gardner

"Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ." Acts 28:31

"Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." Acts 5:42

12 Years Today

pendulum hammock swings of opposites attract
rolling us to kiss in the sanity in the middle
to meet my high school crush on the college boy
flashback squeeling around the house
writing in my journal to you...
"Dear God, send me a boy LIKE Cody Baker..."
like some 1950's Gidgit apple pie movie
with letter sweaters, going steady and
tailored ponytail perfection
only I didn't fit the flawless Hollywood plastic mold
in my freckled, awkward, ball of nerves bag of bones
so I kept teetering on the edge of my seat
waiting for the movie to end
anticipating the rock in the stomach rejection
like the white knuckled seconds before a crash
but twelve years later, he's still here
determined to raise a family, fix some faucets,
love my flaws, repair a brake leak, increase my laugh lines
and lead us all closer to You.
Our opposites can overheat and boil over
walking off in a huff and propelling deep angry breaths
but in every pendulum swing
every inch of space between
every dizzying sway challenge
our ying and yang will roll to the middle
cradled in our future woven by You
to kiss in the middle of a paradox.


"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." Simone Signoret

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Philippians 2:1-4

"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest." C.S. Lewis

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:31-33

"That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger." George Eliot

Where I Come From...

This hand-me-down quilted kaleidoscope
this legacy of unorthodox saints all marching in
with the spirits of Joe and Dorothy on their knees
bed-side offerings knelt down and lifted up to you
like the sweet aroma of Grandma's roast
Great is Thy Faithfulness to us all
and I am humbled to be planted in such rich soil.
We are dog-eared hymnals and underlined bibles
"Oh Forevermore's" and pink shirt embroidery parades
echoing laughter floating out from above prominent chins
Thursday letters and detailed vacation photo captions
doxology melodies that link our hands, hearts and voices to You
we are quirky barber-shop-quartet-loving, piano-playin',
puppeteering, RV missionaries on the move,
We are teachers, preachers, counselors, soldiers,
truck-drivers, nurses, social workers, speakers, listeners
and forever students of life
We come to You from Germany and Kansas, Korea and Ohio
Puerto Rico and Florida, Indiana and Abu Dhabi,
From Tennessee, Illinois, Alabama, Connecticut
and wherever You call us from or send us to.
Our gestures are animated. Our voices are loud.
We have weird jokes, loud whistles, and wide grins.
We love puzzles, planning, and playing instruments,
We jump into silly card, token, dice, domino board games
only to be together and not keep score
All three sons now married 50 plus years
hand me down legacy of marriage the way You meant it to be
Slide shows and talent shows
5 minute skits that make us giggle and sniff
Tiny dogs that fit in bags and red trucks as big as Texas
And from test results for both young and old
that make us hold each other
a little longer and a little tighter
An expanding faith enclosed in our embraces
and choosing to trust Your love in our worry
with that misty picture of Joe and Dorothy
on their knees and in our hearts.
And we choose to offer this gift of family
back up to You
the root of our ever-growing family tree.



"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. " ~George Eliot

"He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly." Acts 10:2

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."Joshua 24:15

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."
~Erma Bombeck

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." Proverbs 1:8

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” George Bernard Shaw

A B See's

That phrase is still ringing in my ears
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but...."
Her new favorite way of asking me for things
as if I'm that meanie mommy
hoarding all her glittery wishes
in my stingy matronly apron pocket
like a crotchety old school marm
complete with hunchback, hairy moles, and a permanent scowl
Doesn't she know I'd gladly offer my life for hers?
Can't she see the immense love I have for her
that spills out in little drops of joy when I watch her sleep?
That I look for new ways to bless her every day
Doesn't she know the "no's" come with intention to save her?
To keep her from the indulgent plague of a spoiled child?
To protect her from the lies of this world that parade as truth
tempting children with their colorful carney ways?
I wish I could help her understand
break it down into little chewable pieces
like cutting her steak for her.
And then I hear You whisper
A truth that knocks the wind out of me--
Four years of trying for a second baby
Forty-eight months of no's
The elephant in the prayer room
and I'm beginning to see
myself in my little girl's pouty swagger
And I can hear Your voice in my questions to her
"Can't You see the immense love I have for you?
That I look for new ways to bless you every day?
Can't you see the "no's" come with intention to save you?
Don't You know I'd gladly offer my life for Yours?"
And You did.
My little girl's voice comes in again
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but..."
(sigh)
And I hear You one last time
that still, small voice whisper
"Sometimes, that's how you pray."

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20

"We want to know not how we should pray if we were perfect but how we should pray being as we are now....It is no use to ask God with factitious earnestness for A when our whole mind is in reality filled with the desire for B. We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us..." C.S. Lewis. Letters to Malcom, Chiefly on Prayer

"Prayers are not always--in the crude, factual sense of the word--'granted.' This is not because prayer is a weaker kind of causality, but because it is a stronger kind. When it 'works' at all it works unlimited by space and time. that is why God has retained a discretionary power of granting or refusing it; except on that condition prayer would destroy us, It is not unreasonable for a headmaster to say "Such and such things you may do according to the fixed rules of this school. But such and such other things are too dangerous to be left to general rules. If you want to do them you must come and make a request and talk over the whole matter with me in my study. And then--we'll see." C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock

"Prayer is a request. The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of the finite and fooolish creatures, of course He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable 'success' in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic--a power in certain human beings to control, or compel the course of nature." C.S. Lewis, The World's Last Night

"Wouldn't He know without being asked?" said Polly.

"I've no doubt He would," said the Horse..." But I've sort of the idea he likes to be asked."

C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

Coal Kisses

I hear You calling me
into dangerous prayers
No more bless me's
give me's
help me's
and sooth me prayers.
I may not be ready, but it's time.
Burn me
Break me
Send me
Mold me
into what You had in mind all along.
make me uncomfortable
wide-eyed to any pride
face down at Your feet
crackling in that fiery peace
dancing ribbon flames
like waving arms to praise You
a soothing fever rock
from the scorching blaze
And send me coal kisses with wings
to wake me up.



"Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!""
Isaiah 6: 6-8


"Can't sleep. An angel wants to burn my lips with coal. I must count the cost....Here am I! Send me!... Make me a man of prayer! Put power in my words. Your word is powerful! Make your word my word, make your power my power. I want to be God's voice, full of love, mercy and fire!...I don't want greatness. I want you to be great! Lower me down. Humble me. Teach me to humble myself, O Lord!" From the Journal of Keith Green, Entry March 1979

"And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
I feel lonely without hope
I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird
And my heart burns for you"
"Obsession" song by Delirious (Cutting Edge, 1995)


"The people who suffer from arrogance don't know it... Pride will block your vision like nothing else. It'll make you a blind man or a blind woman... but the Holy Spirit can reveal truth to you that you could never see on your own. He knows you better than you know yourself...God, we open up ourselves to You now. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear. God empty us of our pride, so we can receive the flood of mercy you give to those who fear You."
Rob Wegner, "The Arrogance Trap" sermon July 15-16-2009

Nous Dansons

"The Dance of Life" Edvard Munch (1899-1900)

The tempos often change

and the music shifts without warning

from the quick steps of the Cha Cha

to the smooth glide of waltz

a few moments in the smirkin' bounce of hip hop

to the jazzy-grinned kicks of swing

from the firm embrace of the tango

to the breezy sway of the hula side by side

the clickety clack of precision tap

to the battling paso-doble of questions

light on our toes jive in the morning

to the foot-dragging merengue of the afternoon

through every beat, every crescendo

every heart-pounding bridge

Your hold never weakens

Your lifts never fall

and even though sometimes I want to,

I promise to let You lead.

"God is not a static thing--not even a person--but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance...The whole dance, or drama, or pattern of this three-Personal life is to be played out in each one of us...each one of us has got to enter that pattern, take his place in that dance." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Then maidens will dance and be glad,

young men and old as well.

I will turn their mourning into gladness;

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still posess." Martin Luther

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven...
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4

Windy Day

There are days when it feels like the wind is helping me along
adding a little pep to my step
brushing my hair from my face
whistling happy soundtrack tunes
and making everything dance to the sway of the trees.
Then there are those days when a failure gust knocks me down
resisting my efforts to crawl forward
smearing the salty drops on my cheeks
deafening my thoughts like a rumbling train
and tearing leaves to throw them far from their branchy homes.
Those days where this wishy washy unpredictable snaking breeze
longs to live like the sun
where everyone needs me
I never let them down
and always show up on time
when I can persuade the buds to blossom
and shine to make them all look a little brighter.
But that's Your job.
So on these leaf-tearing, mind-blowing windy days
I'll lean against the wind
letting the dead leaves fly free
to make room for the buds you have in mind
and just hold on
digging my roots into You.


"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up in each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"..if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me?'...as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you...but the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearies by our sins, or our indifference; a therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him...The battle is between faith and reason on one side and emotion and imagination on the other...You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down...We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

"If you are suffering from a bad man's injustice, forgive him lest there be two bad men."
St. Augustine of Hippo

"He that demains mercy, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass." Thomas Adams

“Although it’s true that there are times when we are merely bystanders in life’s ever-ending stream of head-on collisions, rarely are we completely innocent. More often than not, we do something to contribute to the problem’s we’re experiencing. People who are the best at dialogue understand this simple fact and turn it into the principle “Work on me first.” They realize that not only are they likely to benefit by improving their own approach, but also that they’re the only person they can work on anyway. As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror." Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Eavesdropping

Fathers have evolved over the years

from armchair-sitting, hat-wearing, pipe-smoking thinking men

peeking from behind grey crinkly newspapers

to offer stern wisdom from time to time

coming home from work to put their feet up

and remind the little ones to speak only when spoken to.

But these days call for a different daddy

those ant-finding, barbie-playing, couch-wrestling heroes

jumping out from closets with flashlights under their chins

and building forts with chairs and garish Disney character blankets

who get down on the floor to lift up their children with their feet

and it reminds me of the Gospels with You in the thick of it.

Somehow his adoration for her in those silly G.I. Joe games

giddy laughter from the basement and back porch squeals

bare foot walks and late night mermaid stories

it all feels more like love letters addressed to me.

And somehow Your love for humanity

in Genesis rainbows and a stone rolled away

those long walks from town to town from the manger to the cross

somehow it all feels more like eavesdropping

on the evolution of a loving father

from that arm chair throne to the toy-cluttered carpet

and the love letter You meant for all of us.

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express." Joseph Addison

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

Words of Wonder

Four Words from Granger Community on Vimeo.

we have a secret, don't we...
like a wink no one else sees
or the sticky candy-flavored secrets
whisper in telephone playground games
but I'm afraid if I tell them the truth
they'll misunderstand
and walk away annoyed and confused
like when a really skinny chick gets a compliment
but rolls her eyes and complains about her thighs
somehow cheapening her beauty
so maybe I'll just smile and say thank you
and keep our little secret
the ethereal truth that might only creep them out
after all, theophanies only happen in the bible
but the secrets bubbling up and steaming like a geyser
and there it is
the bursting truth that
sometimes it's not really writing
it's dictation
like transcribing a dream
But when I wake up everyone's singing my praises
telling me how smart and talented I am
while I wipe my sleepy eyelids and stutter,
clumsily trying to interject the naked truth
like a man lost at sea who passed out in a cushiony raft
and got home to read the epic headlines
of his thousand mile swim
I want to argue
all I did was ask for Your help
craving what You wanted them to know
our little sticky secret
that I'm not really that intelligent
that I'm not that great of a writer
just a girl lost in a sea of wonder
learning how to listen to You.


"When you own that you are God's beloved and not people's property, it will free you up as an artist in a way that sets others free. And through this freedom, the character of who God is will be finally and freely revealed."
Efrem Smith, "Worship of the Beloved"
Toward Wonder: Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Wonder is the basis of worship. When we, as artists, live in a state of wonder ourselves, then we are better able to usher others into the presence of a wonderful God."
Nancy Beach, "Toward Wonder" Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Therefore once more I will astound these people
with wonder upon wonder;
the wisdom of the wise will perish,
the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish." Isaiah 29: 14

Summer Night

summer from eyemotion on Vimeo.

Wind Chimes clink

Water balloons in the kitchen sink

Porch swings where eyelids sink

Pink Lemonade to drink

More time to stop and think

In the Spirit of the Summer.

Hopscotch on sidewalk chalk

Riding bikes around the block

Lawn chairs for long talks

Come on in, no need to knock

Forgetting about the clock

In the Spirit of the Summer

Lean down to feed the swans

No televisions on
Lots of smiling yawns

Lush clover carpet lawn

No agenda agreed upon

In the Spirit of Summer

Nature serenading You

Gentle birds coo coo

Beaches sunset hue

Fluffy White against the blue

I look up to say “thank you”

For the Spirit of Summer.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.”

Sir J. Lubbock

Stepping Stones

without Your story, it's just a silent stone in a pocket
clandestine power veiled and caressed by their fingertips
like poetry cradling hidden meanings
nestled in a knitted hammock sling like a Fathers arms
giving secret life like the sun on a greenhouse roof
a pocket size reminder of your colossal love
something to hold in the palms of their hands
reminding their minds and hearts to cling to You
again or for the very first time
and I pray they hold on tight
not to a quick fix
a temporary high
some euphoric picture
of harps and cherubs
not to some pasted happy face smile
some whitewash cover that will fade
but to the new stepping stone reality of You
right there next to them in the thick of it
because even though they're different on Sunday
Monday is coming like a whining, rumbling train
that churning locomotive "all aboard!" inevitability
back to the same cluttered, argumentative homes
the same itchy, irritable workplaces and sticky red tape
the same four walled cells on the calendar routine
the same catch in their lower backs or aching knees
And I pray they can feel You with them
carrying them along like a stone in Your pocket
remembering little David looking up at a giant
a new sense of purpose
a new way to love their families
a new way to see their coworkers
there's work to be done
and the body of Christ just got a little stronger
bearing all those burdens and
weight-lifting all those stones
leading us on the same path as Stephen and Paul
who felt the impact of the stones of opposition
and following the stone the builders rejected
that became the cornerstone
who stood between all of us and a bucket of stones
a line in the sand, daring the blameless to cast the first one
and especially celebrating that third day
when the stone was rolled away
And that is just the smooth surface
of the hidden pocketed power
of those little stepping stones.


"As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, "The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. " 1 Peter 2: 4-7

"Every addition to that body enables Him to do more. If you want to help those outside you must add your own little cell to the body of Christ who alone can help them. Cutting off a man's fingers would be an odd way of getting him to do more work." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good... I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8: 26-28, 38-39 (Msg)

"... the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God...the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us; just as the roof of a green house does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it..." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

Chutes and Ladders

Sometimes I'm bruised in the smooth, slick setbacks

dragging me down to fatigue at the bottom of the board

never really enjoying the ladders for fear of the next slide

but maybe I should just play like Lauren

knowing I'm meant to reach the top eventually

high-fiving all my fellow cardboard standup friends

and sailing down with my hands raised to You

Wheeeeeeee!

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” Thomas Merton

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Melt

We've become an icy generation
frozen opinions wrapped in newspapers and online forums
Noisy arctic winds stinging our rosy ears
and caressing our pride smooth as glass
frosty voices hissing humanity's biting independence
and we stand tall to hide our shivering
jaws clenched to resist our chattering teeth
while the world continues to hammer
chipping and cracking
breaking and shattering
piece by piece

But Your springtime is always waiting
tiny buds awaiting the end to frosty hibernation
Subtle breezes crinkling in the leather-bound, gold-tipped pages
and melting our hearts, balmy with new life
Warm worship melodies singing our sunshine dependence
and we kneel at Your feet to give up our glacial ways
arms up to reach the toasty glow of surrender
while You bend down to envelop us in Your embrace
melting and nourishing
healing and soothing
peace by peace




"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." C.S. Lewis

"I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16 (Msg)

A Week of Lessons: Easter Sunday

my 30 Easters with You

reveal an emerging and quirky story

of how Your bold steps out of an empty tomb

pulled my slow, shy steps out of the shadows

from paralyzed fear and dragging heals to a dance of joy in sun

that first Easter was a snapshot of a nine month old baby

probably sleeping on the floor behind the organ

is some frilly Easter pastels and patten leather

tiny eyes peeking at mommy's feet on the peddles

and hearing daddy's voice lead the congregation in a lullaby hymn

five years later you'd see a bubbly pig-tailed grin

under a white floppy hat with matching purse

skipping from one white-haired lady to another

for "oohs and awes" at my twirling dress

and some free bubble gum fished out of purses

a princess in a steepled castle

and the pews were my playground

but something happened in those next years

a hole in the story where the process is blocked out

like a blurred face or bout with amnesia

the music shifts for that 12th Easter

like that pulsing heartbeat screechy violin in a horror movie

as the victim's hand shakes and reaches for a doorknob

maybe it was a new city, new career for dad, new everything

knocking awkward knees hidden under a guise of invisible

layered in dull colors of grays and tans

back row of the church, singing harmony in a whisper

feeling a ball of ice in my throat that could melt into tears

if I didn't keep swallowing and keep my face hidden in the pages

a simple shyness let loose into a Tasmanian devil

of anxiety that sewed the lips shut

brought on chest pains and doubled-over stomach aches

and asked mom and dad to order for me at restaurants

but I ran to You in my diary prayers

in the safety of my messy bedroom

and jumped inside elaborate costumes

in the safety of a fantasy stage

and You started something new, something bigger

than a hand-me-down truth from mom and dad.

Zooming through the sands of time to today

sitting at my desk, grinning with peace, surrounded by people

as I listen to the team I love celebrating You

6 services, lots of fingerfoods, good conversations & skip-bo,

dancing a dance once again like that five year old princess

or an uncivilized king who wrote a few poems himself

trying to ignore those old fears that try to steal it all away again

but then You remind me of that evolving story of our Easter dance

from too scared to order at restaurants

to leading a team of superstars

only You...

I can't wait to see what You have in mind for my little girl

and all her Easters to come

I wonder what Your steps out of that tomb

will lead her to

and I hope she'll share with me

those secret anniversaries of her heart

her own private holy days with You

for this Easter

and many more to come.

"The holiest of holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart: the secret anniversaries of the heart." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"For the devout Jew, the calendar was more the a way of marking time. It provided a timely way to commemorate God's dealings in the life of the nation. The month of Nisan marked the Passover, the time of Israel's deliverance from Egyptian bondage. Sivan brought the feast of Pentecost, the celebration of another bountiful harvest from God. Tishri took the people back to their wilderness wanderings through the Feast of the Tabernacles. Each holiday became a holy day--a time of recalling, repenting, and renewing old commitments to follow the God of Israel. Holidays really can be holy days. The word holy means set apart for divine services or purposes. Our modern calendar can remind us as believers to commemorate what God has done for us."

Lenya Heitzig and Penny Rose, Live Fearlessly

"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives."2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (Msg)

A Week of Lessons: Good Friday

2000 years ago time stopped for a moment
and all our children know is a day out of school
a foreshadowed glimpse at a truth too big
for their tiny hands to hold just yet
like trying to reach something on a high shelf
and all you can do is yell for mommy
or wait to grow taller
reading this chapter reads more like a scary story
torn flesh, nails crushing through bones,
crowd-screaming earthquakes, dead people rising from the grave,
a love letter written in blood
it's hard for them to see why it is called
Good Friday
she can read a simple 3 letter word
but "sin" isn't really chewable when you're six
I try to make it bigger than stickers on a chart
allowance for chores
and consequences for missteps in the 5th commandment
attempting to cut it down into smaller pieces
and hoping the puzzle comes together on it's own
she can't feel the darkness of today
that illuminates the light of Sunday
she can't know what that torn curtain in the temple
means to the soul of her parents and grandparents
For now, the cross is a symbol she loves to call out
like seeing a picture of her best friend
on some random billboard on vacation
"Hey, they know Jesus too!" she cries, waving frantically
while strange, hesitant smiles peek out car windows
or hide under tall steeples on the highway
so much life in her eyes from Your symbol of death
an arm stretched up to that top shelf on tiptoe
but she still can't quite reach it yet
and all I can do is call to You
and wait for her to grow taller


"Learn to know Christ and him crucified. Learn to sing to him, and say, 'Lord Jesus, you are my righteousness, I am your sin. You have taken upon yourself what is mine and given me what is yours. You have become what you were not so that I might become what I was not.'" Martin Luther

"God offers life, but not an improved old life. The life He offers is life out of death. It always stands at the far side of the cross." A.W. Tozer

"God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn't send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words." 1 Corinthians 1:17

A Week of Lessons: Maundy Thursday

John 13 never gets old

like a movie I could watch over and over again

with a blanket and a bag of popcorn

but it's never the same twice

that day You wrapped a towel around Your waist

and shocked 12 men and the world

with your moment of upside down leadership

a King kneeling at the feet of his subjects

and I just didn't want her to miss it

the warm water enveloping our feet

Your monument in our hearts

celebrated in our reaching hands

and Your gentle touch in our patting towels

and I'm praying it's a little drop of rain

in the ocean of faith You have in mind for her

teaching me to be content

that for now

it's just a little bowl

for now....

John 13
Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet

1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.[a]
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

A Week of Lessons: Palm Sunday

"I want to make a palm branch, Mommy"
she said with determination in her eyes
and green construction paper in her hands
lessons from Miss Sheila still swirling in her mind
but her hands needed something to remember it by
"And I want to make a sign"
I could see she had been to Jerusalem
in the time travel machine of her imagination
and she didn't think You saw her in the crowd
and I can't help but grin for the day she finds You found her
"It has to be big and bold!"
scribbling through 4 markers that didn't make the cut
too light, too thin, too faded, too pink,
until she landed on a solid, bold brown
like the cross coming heavy on Friday
"Maybe I should make two!"
She was resolved to catch Your gaze from that donkey
tongue out to the side as she sounded out the words
white fingertips as she held the paper steady
adding a smiley face for visual effect
"Nope, three would be even better!"
And I can't help but think of three days,
three times denied, Abrham , Issac and Jacob,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit
but she's not even content with Your number of completion
"Oh, I forgot the last one!"
her pursed lips slide to the side
her gaze is vacant as she searches for the perfect words
she begins to plan for enough space for all her letters
and I can't help but thank You for this
little monument of praise
Your triumphant entry
moving from my little girl's mind
out to her fingertips
up to You
and from her heart to mine
As I read the finished product
correcting the spelling in my teacher head
but secretly loving every mistake in my silence
I can't help but praise You
through my little girls words
"hosanna, hosanna, hosanna, hosanna to the king
We love You, Lord (smiley face)
Hail to the King (Beating Heart)
I love you with all of my heart, with all my strength"
I take a few sapshots
like 12 stones by the Jordan
and I can't think of a better way
to begin this Holy week


When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields. Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, "Hosanna!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!" "Hosanna in the highest!" Mark 11:7-10

"It may feel like you can't choose your desires, but you can always choose your worship." Jason Miller, Palm Sunday 2009, Granger Community Church

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." Henry Ward Beecher

"Let your home be your parish, your little brood your congregation, your living room a sanctuary, and your knee a sacred altar." Billy Graham

Lunch Date with Fear

Fear talks too much

and most of the time I just sit and listen

fist under my chin, nodding from time to time

false token smiles so he feels like he's making sense

trying to be polite and endure him until the check comes

but in the opportunity of my silence

his pitch starts to sound appealing

all my life he's been hissing in my ear

but I invited You to come along today

for my lunch date with fear

You have a better proposal for both of us

and we haven't even ordered yet.

My uncivillized elbows jump and land on the table

as I lean forward to listen to only You

The more he interrupts,

the less sense he begins to make.

You model patience in your relaxed posture of peace

because You know he's meant for You alone.

And I think I just caught You winking at me....

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"God gives power to the faint...Courage is not the absence of fear but the presence of faith despite it." Lenya Heitzig and Penny Rose, Living Fearlessly: A Study in the Book of Joshua

"Shame arises from the fear of men, conscience from the fear of God." Samuel Johnson

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." C.S. Lewis